Let’s start by being realistic. Thanksgiving is the time when most people are going to really blow it on their diets. O.K. – but that doesn’t mean you need to let this one holiday get the best of your health habits.

It’s probably not realistic to think you are going to stick with a strict diet over the Thanksgiving holiday. That’s fine- so what can you do to offset that overindulgence? Two things: 1. Burn extra calories before Thanksgiving to give you a cushion. 2. Keep things in check just a bit during the Thanksgiving feast.

First- burning extra calories. Some simple things you can do:

1. If you have a workout routine- try adding a few minutes of walking or other cardiovascular exercise in there between now and Thanksgiving.. If you don’t have a workout routine, a simple daily walk is a great thing to start.

2. You can also burn extra calories during your daily routine:
Take the stairs instead of elevator; Walk during lunch hour; Park farther away from office or errands. Bottom line- the more you move the more you burn.

For Thanksgiving Day here are some eating strategies to keep in mind:

1. Don’t come to Thanksgiving dinner with an empty stomach try to have eaten meals that are consistent with your diet earlier in the day. The less hungry you are, the less you will be tempted to eat.
2. Instead of trying to limit yourself to one serving- take a small first serving so you can have seconds.
3. Fill up on things like turkey, vegetables or other dishes that are close to your diet.
4. Prioritize your deserts. Allow yourself to have desert, but stop and think for just a moment. What do I really like? Where do I want to spend my calories? Don’t just fill up the plate. If you like everything, take small portions of everything. .
5. Try to take a brief walk before thanksgiving dinner and then if you can, a short walk afterwards.

Let’s put this into some perspective. Thanksgiving is a wonderful time. As with each of the holidays- indulging a bit is not terrible if you have a plan to stay on track. You’ve got time to burn those extra calories and you now have a plan for Thanksgiving Day.

Talkingwithkids.orgis a fantastic webpage that give very practical advice on how to have important conversations with your children.  Here is an excerpt from the page.  For more details please visit the website.  Remember– they are our kids– we need to know what they are doing, and thinking and feeling…

How to Talk to Your Kids About Anything

10 Tips for talking with kids about tough issues

Introduction
Raising a child is probably the most gratifying job any of us will ever have — and one of the toughest. In large part, that’s because times have changed. We live in an increasingly complex world that challenges us everyday with a wide range of disturbing issues that are difficult for children to understand and for adults to explain.

We believe this booklet can help. It offers practical, concrete tips and techniques for talking easily and openly with young children ages 8 to 12 about some very tough issues: sex, HIV/AIDS, violence, drugs and alcohol.

Some parents and caregivers may question the appropriateness of talking about such sensitive topics with young children. Maybe you’re one of them. But consider this: our kids are already hearing about these issues from TV, movies, magazines and school friends. If we don’t talk with them early and often — and answer their questions — they’ll get their facts from someone else. And we’ll have missed an important opportunity to offer our children information that’s not only accurate, but also in sync with our own personal values and moral principles.

Make sense? We think so. So let’s get started.

1. Start Early

Kids are hearing about and forced to cope with tough issues at increasingly early ages, often before they are ready to understand all aspects of these complicated ideas. Additionally, medical research and public health data tells us that when young children want information, advice and guidance, they turn to their parents first. Once they reach the teenage years, they tend to depend more on friends, the media and other outsiders for their information. As a parent, you have a wonderful opportunity to talk with your child about these issues first, before anyone else can confuse your child with incorrect information or explanations that lack the sense of values you want to instill. We need to take advantage of this “window of opportunity” with young children and talk with them earlier and more often, particularly about tough issues like sex, HIV/AIDS, violence, alcohol and drugs.

2. Initiate Conversations With Your Child

While we want our children to feel comfortable enough to come to us with any questions and concerns — and thus give us the opportunity to begin conversations — this doesn’t always occur. That’s why it’s perfectly okay — at times even necessary — to begin the discussions ourselves. TV and other media are great tools for this. Say, for instance, that you and your 12-year-old are watching TV together and the program’s plot includes a teenage pregnancy. After the show is over, ask your child what she thought of the program. Did she agree with how the teenagers behaved? Just one or two questions could help start a valuable discussion that comes from everyday circumstances and events.

Also, when speaking with your child, be sure to use words she can understand. Trying to explain AIDS to a 6-year-old with words like “transmission” and “transfusion” may not be as helpful as using simpler language. The best technique: use simple, short words and straightforward explanations.

If you have more than one child — and your kids are widely spaced — try to speak with them separately, even about the same subject. The reason? Children of varied ages are usually at different developmental levels, which means that they need different information, have different sensitivities and require a different vocabulary. What’s more, older children will often dominate the discussion, which may prevent the younger ones from speaking up.

3. …Even about Sex and Relationships

If you feel uncomfortable talking about such sensitive subjects — particularly sex and relationships — with your young child, you’re not alone. Many parents feel awkward and uneasy, especially if they are anxious about the subject. But, for your kid’s sake, try to overcome your nervousness and bring up the issue with your child. After all, our children are hearing about it both through the media and on the playground, and that information may not include the values that we want our kids to have.

4. Create an Open Environment

Young children want their parents to discuss difficult subjects with them. However, our kids will look to us for answers only if they feel we will be open to their questions. It’s up to us to create the kind of atmosphere in which our children can ask any questions — on any subject — freely and without fear of consequence.

How do you create such an atmosphere? By being encouraging, supportive and positive. For example, if your child asks, “How many people have AIDS?” try not to answer with, “I don’t know. Please just finish your lunch.” No matter how busy you are respond with something like, “That’s an interesting question, but I’m not sure. Let’s go look it up.” (FYI: Don’t worry that if your children learn that you don’t know everything, they won’t look up to you. That’s simply not true. Kids accept, “I don’t know,” and “let’s go find out,” and they are better responses than any inaccurate or misleading answers you may be tempted to offer.)

One more point: You don’t need to answer all of your children’s questions immediately. If your 10-year-old asks, “Mom, what’s a condom?” while you’re negotiating a tricky turn in rush-hour traffic, it’s perfectly okay for you to say something like, “That’s an important question. But with all this traffic, I can’t explain right now. Let’s talk later, after dinner.” And make sure you do.

5. Communicate your values

As a parent, you have a wonderful opportunity to be the first person to talk with your child about tough issues like drugs and violence before anyone else can confuse him with “just-the-facts” explanations that lack the sense of values and moral principles you want to instill. Likewise, when talking with your child about sex, remember to talk about more than “the birds and the bees,” and communicate your values. Remember: research shows that children want and need moral guidance from their moms and dads, so don’t hesitate to make your beliefs clear.

6. Listen to Your Child

How many times do we listen to our children while folding clothes, preparing for the next day’s meeting, or pushing a shopping cart through the supermarket? While that’s understandable, it’s important to find time to give kids our undivided attention. Listening carefully to our children builds self-esteem by letting our youngsters know that they’re important to us and can lead to valuable discussions about a wide variety of sensitive issues.

Listening carefully also helps us better understand what our children really want to know as well as what they already understand. And it keeps us from talking above our youngsters’ heads and confusing them even further. For example, suppose your child asks you what crack is. Before you answer, ask him what he thinks it is. If he says, “I think it’s something you eat that makes you act funny,” then you have a sense of his level of understanding and can adjust your explanations to fit.

Listening to our children and taking their feelings into account also helps us understand when they’ve had enough. Suppose you’re answering your 9-year-old’s questions about AIDS. If, after a while, he says, “I want to go out and play,” stop the talk and re-introduce the subject at another time.

7. Try to be Honest

Whatever your children’s age, they deserve honest answers and explanations. It’s what strengthens our children’s ability to trust. Also, when we don’t provide a straightforward answer, kids make up their own fantasy explanations, which can be more frightening than any real, honest response we can offer.

While we may not want or need to share all the details of a particular situation or issue with our child, try not to leave any big gaps either. When we do, children tend to fill in the blanks themselves, which can generate a good deal of confusion and concern.

8. Be Patient

Often it can feel like forever before a youngster gets his story out. As adults, we’re tempted to finish the child’s sentence for him, filling in words and phrases in an effort to hear the point sooner. Try to resist this impulse. By listening patiently, we allow our children to think at their own pace and we are letting them know that they are worthy of our time.

9. Use Everyday Opportunities to Talk

It’s important to try to talk with your kids about tough issues often, but there isn’t always time in the day to sit down for a long talk. Also, kids tend to resist formal discussions about today’s toughest issues, often categorizing them as just another lecture from mom and dad. But if we use “talk opportunities,” moments that arise in everyday life, as occasions for discussion, our children will be a lot less likely to tune us out. For instance, a newspaper item about a child expelled from school for carrying a gun to class can help you start a discussion on guns and violence. A public service TV commercial can give you an opportunity to talk about AIDS.

10. Talk About it Again. And Again.

Since most young children can only take in small bits of information at any one time, they won’t learn all they need to know about a particular topic from a single discussion. That’s why it’s important to let a little time pass, then ask the child to tell you what she remembers about your conversation. This will help you correct any misconceptions and fill in missing facts.

CAREGIVERS COME IN ALL SHAPES AND SIZES, FROM THE WOMAN CARING FOR HER AGING FATHER TO THE MAN REGULARLY HELPING OUT A NEIGHBOR.  FROM COOKING MEALS TO RUNNING ERRANDS TO BATHING DRESSING AND FEEDING LOVED ONES, CAREGIVERS CAN HAVE EXTREMELY TAXING RESPONSIBILITIES. LITTLE SURPRISE THAT CARE GIVING CAN TAKE A TOLL ON A PERSON’S BODY AND MIND.

RESEARCH SHOWS THAT BETWEEN 40 AND 50 PERCENT OF CAREGIVERS MAY EXPERIENCE CLINICAL DEPRESSION. CAREGIVERS ARE ALSO AT RISK MARTIAL PROBLEMS, ALCOHOL AND SUBSTANCE ABUSE AND EVEN HAVE AN INCREASED RISK OF DYING EARLIER.

CAREGIVERS ARE ALSO LESS LIKELY TO PRACTICE THE HEALTHY HABITS THAT ARE NEEDED TO KEEP THEM FUNCTIONING OPTIMALLY. THE ARE LESS LIKELY TO SLEEP, EAT HEALTHY, EXERCISE, REST OR KEEP MEDICAL APPOINTMENTS.

IF YOU ARE A CAREGIVER OR YOU KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS A CAREGIVER I WANT YOU TO THINK ABOUT THIS. ION AN AIRPLANE, IF AN OXYGEN MASK FALLS DOWN IN FRONT OF YOU, WHAT ARE WE ALL TOLD TO DO? WE ARE ALWAYS TOLD TO PUT THE MASK ON BEFORE WE HELP ANYONE ELSE. . TAKING CARE OF YOUR OWN HEALTH IS THE MOST IMPORTANT AND MOST OFTEN FORGOTTEN PARTS OF CARE GIVING. TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF WILL HELP YOU TO BE A BETTER CAREGIVER…

THERE ARE MANY THINGS YOU CAN DO TO IMPROVE YOUR HEALTH AND BETTER MANAGE IT. I’M GOING TO GIVE YOU 3 THINGS TODAY THAT I THINK ARE PARTICULARLY IMPORTANT.

CARE GIVING IS STRESSFUL PERIOD. BUT STRESS CAN REALLY TAKE ITS TOLL SO HERE ARE A FEW THINGS TO HELP KEEP THAT STRESS IN CHECK:

RECOGNIZE WARNING SIGNS EARLY. THESE MIGHT INCLUDE IRRITABILITY, SLEEP PROBLEMS, AND FORGETFULNESS. DON’T WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE OVERWHELMED.

TAKE ACTION. SITUATIONS YOU CAN CHANGE- DO SO THOSE THAT YOU CAN’T LEAVE ALONE. MAKE SURE YOU DO STRESS REDUCING ACTIVITIE4S DAILY. THINGS LIKE EXERCISE, GARDENING, MEDITATION, PRAYER, HAVING COFFEE WITH A FRIEND.

ASK FOR HELP

YOU MUST ASK FOR HELP. TELLING PEOPLE THAT YOU ARE FINE WHEN YOU ARE NOT DOES YOU NO GOOD. THE TRUTH IS, THERE ARE GONG TO BOTHER PEOPLE ARE WILLING TO HELP, AND IN FACT, MAY EVEN FEEL LEFT OUT BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T ASKED THEM TO HELP. 

ONE WAY TO MAKE ASKING FOR HELP EASIER IS TO MAKE A LIST OF WHAT YOU NEED WRITING DOWN WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE CAN HELP YOU BE MORE ORGANIZED AND IT CAN ALSO HELP YOU DETERMINE WHAT’S MOST IMPORTANT. IT ALSO ALLOWS YOU TO HAVE ONE LESS THING TO THINK ABOUT.  WHEN SOMEONE ASKS WHAT THEY CAN DO TO HELP, YOU CAN CHECK THE LIST, AND HAND OFF A TASK.

 ALSO- REMEMBER – HOME HEALTH AIDES CAN COME FOR AN AFTERNOON OR CHECK OUT WHAT THE LOCAL SENIOR CENTER HAS TO OFFER.  MORE AND MORE COMMUNITIES ARE RECOGNIZING ARE STEPPING UP AND HELPING CAREGIVERS OUT.

GET SOME EXERCISE

THE FINAL THING IS TO EXERCISE- I KNOW YOU ARE SAYING THAT YOU DON’T HAVE ANY ADDITIONAL TIME. BUT FOLKS IT’S THE HEALTHIEST THING YOU CAN DO…

EXERCISE PROMOTES BETTER SLEEP, REDUCES TENSION AND DEPRESSION, AND INCREASES ENERGY AND ALERTNESS. IF FINDING TIME FOR EXERCISE IS A PROBLEM, INCORPORATE IT INTO YOUR DAILY ACTIVITY.

WALKING 20 MINUTES A DAY, THREE TIMES A WEEK IS VERY BENEFICIAL. IF YOU CAN’T GET AWAY FOR THAT LONG, TRY TO WALK FOR AS LONG AS YOU CAN ON HOWEVER MANY DAYS YOU CAN. WORK WALKING INTO YOUR LIFE. WALK AROUND THE MALL, TO THE STORE OR A NEARBY PARK. WALK AROUND THE BLOCK WITH A FRIEND.

IN THE END- THESE EFFORTS WILL NOT ONLY HELP YOU FEEL BETTER AND BE HEALTHIER, BUT THEY WILL GIVE YOUR BODY AND MIND THE STRENGTH TO DO OFTEN SEEMINGLY IMPOSSIBLE TASKS THAT YOU DO AS A CAREGIVER.

The first step is to stop and realize something—even if you eat a ton of candy on Halloween and through the Halloween weekend- that doesn’t mean your healthy lifestyle is over. The key here is to remember- you don’t have to be perfect you just need to do the right action more days than not. A splurge is fine as long as it has a beginning and an end.

Next, the key to staying in control is to have a plan. Having a plan of action before the candy gets there will save you.

So here is a Halloween game plan:

1. Today- set some sort of limit on what you will allow yourself to eat. So maybe its no more than 5 pieces a day for through the weekend. Or maybe a piece a day for a week. Committing to a limit by writing it down will put some boundaries on your behavior.

2. Set up your house so the candy isn’t in every corner. Help your kids divide the candy into keep pile for them, give away pile and mommy and daddy pile. Don’t leave it sitting out and around.

3. Get everyone in the house on board- tell your kids, spouse, or whoever is at home with you what your plan is and give them permission to check up on you.

4. Cut yourself some slack—if you enjoy candy- allow yourself to eat – set a limit that gives you a bit of indulgence. As long as you put a time frame on it you’ll find that the permission to indulge is a reward in itself.

The take home message is be realistic, cut yourself some slack and plan.  And always remember that one splurge, one slip in no way means you have blown it for good.

Happy Halloween

The benefit of keeping a food diary- or basically writing down what you eat has been known for a long time.  A study was done by researchers at Kaiser Permanente.  The study followed 1,700 men and women who were either overweight or obese. The people were encouraged to eat about 500 fewer calories a day, to exercise daily, and to follow a low-fat, low-sodium diet participants were asked to record daily food intake and their exercise minutes.

After 20 weeks, the total average loss was about 13 pounds, but the food record habit predicted success.  Those who kept no food records lost about 9 pounds, those who kept six or more per week lost about 18 pounds. Food diaries predicted success. 

Many people see a food diary as one extra thing they have to do, but as the findings from this study show, it can have a very powerful impact. Keeping a food diary does not have to be time consuming or complicated. Here are some simple steps to keep in mind.

On a sheet of paper or in a notebook, write down what you ate, where you were, what time it was, what you were doing, and what your mood was.

Be sure and record as you go along—don’t try to rely on memory at the end of the day- it will ruin the results

Post your food diary where you can see it (on the refrigerator or on a mirror).

Keep it up for a couple of weeks and review the diary. You’ll notice that you are eating less “bad” food and more “good” food.

For more information visit these web pages:

www.familydoctor.org

www.americanheart.org

www.webmd.com

But actually the research really shows that on average men and women are not dramatically different when it comes to personality, communication, cognitive ability and leadership. This is based on according to a review of 46 meta-analyses conducted over the last 20 years (“the gender similarities hypothesis,” Janet Shibley Hyde, Ph.D., University of Wisconsin – Madison; American Psychologist, vol. 60, no. 6)

Part of the problem is that the differences are what get noticed. That being said, men and women do have different styles in communication and often have differences in the relative importance of certain parts of a relationship. While every relationship is different there are some common complaints the both sides have about the other- .

Women often feel that men are:

1. Not sensitive to feelings and needs.

2. Not affectionate enough.

3. Do not pay enough attention to their partners

Men often feel that women:

1. Women criticize and nag too much.

2. Are seldom happy and satisfied.

3. Tend to withhold intimacy as a punishment

So what can be done? Both sides need to step things up in a relationship- it’s never one person’s fault.

Some strategies for the guys:

Be more affectionate, and loving – with no expectations of intimacy

Don’t be afraid to talk about your feelings and thoughts with her

Anticipate her needs and the needs of the house- don’t wait until she is frustrated.

And for the gals:

Express their needs directly – tell him what you want and need.

Allow him to approach situations from a more task oriented perspective.

Reinforce him for good behavior—let him know if he is doing it right.

In the end, while our differences may exist, the effort both sides put forth in the relationship will help each individual be more fulfilled and more satisfied.

October 8^th is National Depression Screening Day.  Below you will find links with additional information:

Find a screening site near you:

http://www.mentalhealthscreening.org/locator/ndsdmap.aspx

Facts about mood and anxiety disorders:

http://www.mentalhealthscreening.org/events/ndsd/facts_types.aspx

Take an on-line evaluation:

http://www.mentalhealthscreening.org/events/ndsd/attend_sample.aspx

You can also get more information about psychological disorders from the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration at: www.samhsa.gov

Compared with people with close friends, lonely people  tend to have higher systolic blood pressure, their bodies don’t respond as well to flu vaccines, they’re four times more likely to get colds and up to three times more likely to die in the six months following a heart attack. Women with close friends and strong social support tend to sleep better, heal faster when they’re hurt, experience less depression, and stave off cognitive decline as they age.

So what exactly can we do to strengthen our relationships? The mayo clinic (http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/social-support/sr00033) offers some excellent suggestions:

• Stay in touch. Answering phone calls, returning e-mails and reciprocating invitations lets people know you care.
• Be proactive. Don’t wait for someone else to make the first move. If you meet someone you think could be a good friend, invite him or her for coffee. Or be the one to strike up a conversation while in line at the grocery store.
• Know when to say no and when to say yes. Spending time with people who aren’t supportive can add stress and take away valuable time. On the other hand, don’t decline an invitation because you feel shy or insecure.
• Don’t compete. Be happy instead of jealous when your friends succeed, and they’ll celebrate your accomplishments in return.
• Be a good listener. Find out what’s important to your friends — you might find you have even more in common than you think.
• Challenge yourself. Keep looking for ways to improve yourself. Maybe it’s by complaining less, being more generous or forgiving others’ faults.
• Don’t overdo it. In your zeal to extend your social network, be careful not to overwhelm friends and family with phone calls and e-mails. Save those high-demand times for when you really need them.
• Appreciate your friends and family. Take time to say thank you and express how important they are to you.

A strong, healthy social network is one of the most valuable things we can have and with a little effort- we make sure our networks are working well for us and for the people in it.